My precious baby girl is asleep in my lap. It's 7:30PM and feels like the middle of the night. We have already gone to bed for the night and she woke up crying. Her skin is so soft and new. She smells good. I can't explain it really, she just smells brand new. My daughter is 4 days old. I can't believe we've only had her 4 days. It seems so much longer than that and at the same time everything is still so new and sometimes really scary.
Yesterday was the worst. It was easily the worst day I've ever had. I know that sounds dramatic, but it is what it is. The culprit? Not my baby girl, but hormones. I've heard of "baby blues" but I had no idea how hard it would hit as my hormones drastically changed after giving birth. YIKES! I literally cried all day. I felt palpable fear rack my entire body. My muscles still aren't forgiving me for the stress that I felt yesterday.
I felt scared of not ever recovering (not logical, I know). My stitches hurt. My breasts were aching. Holy crap I'm a mom. I feel nauseous. I feel dizzy from blood loss. Am I healing OK? Is my baby breathing? What if I get an infection? What do I do? How do I make it to the next hour? I haven't had sleep since birth. Somebody save me! Someone make it better. I miss my mom.
These are some of the mental and emotional challenges I faced yesterday, and it was just too much. The funny thing is that today I'm fine. Today I feel like me again. I still feel exhausted but today I am stronger. I cried out to God so many times yesterday. He carried me through, but I had my doubts I would make it.
Yesterday is gone and I am so madly in love with this baby. It's silly how much I love her. She is still sleeping and I am going to try and get some very much needed rest.
I can honestly say though, that I love being a mom. I love this tiny life that we were entrusted with. I am blown away. Today was easier than yesterday. I look forward to tomorrow.
Love,
A very sleepy Talia Christine
